So I’ve decided to get a PA system for my car. In case you are dumb or something, a PA system is like what a cop has that lets him yell at people without leaving his car.

So what brought on this desire for a PA system, you ask? Well on the way to work, one of the tunnels I have to go through always has a long line because it is only one lane in each direction. Well some people think it is okay to cut in line, and thus mess things up for everyone else. So I want to have a little fun antagonizing them.

Think about it. Wouldn’t it be great if a car pulls up next to you, trying to cut into this massive line, and you just whip out the PA and say something like: “Hey! Yeah you, in the minivan! Who do you think you are? Are you blind? Did you somehow not notice the line that is here every freaking day? Or maybe you think you’re better than the rest of us or something? I’m serious! What makes you think its okay to cut in line? Did you miss that day in kindergarten when they taught the concept of it to you or something?”

Or maybe the people using the HOV lane when they are the only person in the car: “Hey you in the Dodge Stratus! What are you doing?! You’ve only got one person in the car! Are the giant white diamonds painted in the lane not big enough for you? It really isn’t that complicated of a system: Cars with 1 person use the normal lanes, cars with 2 or more persons use the HOV lane. But I guess you’re slow or retarded or something because you’ve only got one person in your car, but you are in the HOV lane. Maybe I can send you a book or something to help you out with this super difficult situation. Something like: ‘See Jane drive. See Jane drive in the HOV lane. See Jane get the F out of the HOV lane because she isn’t supposed to be there.'”

Or in the parking lot at Wal-Mart when some idiot decides to drive the wrong way down the aisle: (In a deep rumbling voice) “This is God! Thou shalt not drive in the opposite direction of the giant white arrows that I have sent my servants to paint in the aisle.”

Or when someone is driving like 10 MPH under the speed limit and you can’t get around them: “HONK! HONK HONK HONK!” (if they haven’t sped up within a few moments) “HELLO!!! I’m honking at you! HONK HONK! My grandma drives faster than you! Drive the freaking speed limit!”

Or when getting pulled over by the police: “These are not the droids you are looking for.”


  1. LOL, great idea, but lookout for roadragers in the tunnel!

  2. Hear, hear! And how about when someone is driving in the fast lane while cars pass him on the right? (Pet peeve of mine.) But as a Southern Belle, I would probably say something like, “Hey, Ya’ll–when did your daddy buy this road for you?”–gotta be sweet.

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