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Jacob Allred

Learned something new today. Apparently all those buffalo make a valid sentence. Another fun one is: Police police police police police police. That is a valid sentence. The concept is something like this: Who polices the police? The police police. So, who polices the police police? Go on. Put it together in your head. You should end up with a valid sentence containing the word “police” six times. Crazy, eh?

I like this one the best. It has over 20 “and“‘s in a row: Wouldn’t the sentence ‘I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign’ have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?

So anyways. Back to things that matter. Or at least matter more than buffalo.

The handle on my car broke today. Some genius thought it would be a good design to have the door opened by a tiny plastic peg. The tiny plastic peg decided it was tired of having to do all the work, so it jumped ship. Luckily I found it, and am in the process of gluing it back on. Thanks to Joey for his expertise in removing the inside panel of the door, which I have failed to do (on numerous occasions) in the past (mainly due to a fear of breaking something).

So Yodlee doesn’t suck anymore. I still like the old design better, and it hasn’t been able to synchronize my ING account for months, but it is quite usable now. Yay.

Our apartment complex has a TON of spiders. Nasty huge disgusting spider-web making annoying spiders. So every couple days I go out at night with my airsoft gun and I shoot them. Not all of them of course because there are tons, but the biggest grossest ones in the most inconvenient places (like in the walkway) get a yellow plastic pellet in the belly. Its pretty gross cause they tend to explode and leave nasty spider guys everywhere. But it gets rid of them. And is great stress relief.

So I’ve made my decision. I’m going to get laser hair removal. Yup that’s right. Laser hair removal. I’m treating it as an investment to help my mind justify the $1000 price tag. You see, I expect to live another 53 years (according to inaccurate online surveys). So that’s 636 more months of shaving. Figure $5/month for the cleaning fluid for my shaver, and $30/year (or $2.50/month) for foils, and a new shaver every, I dunno, lets say 5 years at about $120 ($2/month), I’ll be spending about $6,042 over the rest of my life just on shaving. And then let’s assume 2 minutes shave time a day. I think that’s rather conservative, but we’ll use it anyway. That would mean over the rest of my life I’d spend over 26 days shaving. Crazy, huh? Other benefits include: less acne, no in-grown hairs, no five o’clock shadow, no scratchy-ness for the future Mrs., etc etc. So I think $1000 and a few hours of my life now are quite the investment, considering the benefits. Unless I die in a car crash or something next year. Then it would suck and be a terrible waste of money.

So lately I’ve been CRAZY sensitive to light. Like insanely sensitive. Even the glow of my monitor is upsetting my eyes. My eyes are getting crazy red and irritated. It is frustrating. I have to constantly wear sunglasses to keep my eyes looking normal. But I’m pretty sure it isn’t pinkeye (yeah that’s a compound word. I looked it up.) because it’s been coming and going for over a year now (the redness, not the sensitivity to light). And the doctor gave me some medicated drops but they didn’t help, so it must be something else. But who knows? Until something more serious happens, or the sensitivity gets worse, no point in wasting time/money having a doctor tell you to avoid light. That time/money could be used on getting unwanted hair removed.

Come to think of it, I’ve always kind of had this fear that I’ve got cancer. It would have to be some crazy slow cancer, because I’ve had this vague fear for years and years, but it has always sort of been there, making me worry anytime I get sick or have a weird “symptom”. Well maybe not cancer. Thinking about it more, its just a vague fear that I’m sick. That something isn’t right. That life is going to turn into some lame TV special where my death causes a deep spiritual/emotional stirring in the people I love, and then is quickly forgotten by the next episode. But that’s life I guess. Always dying, sometimes living, eventually forgotten.

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